- It appears to be the majority of Doctors most Americans can afford… - This is not what I thought they meant when they said universal healthcare. - Child: Mom can we have universal healthcare? Mom: We have universal healthcare at home. The healthcare we have at home: - It’s easy, pick any doctor in your network. 
 
 
- Excuse me, my esteemed aerial cephalopod, but I don’t see a doctor in front of your name. Those sodas didn’t end up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt getting their doctorates to be dissed by you. - I’m far too modest to mention my 6 years at Harvard Medical School followed by a 4 year residency at Johns Hopkins and, of course, my 134 published papers in medical journals. - a 4 year residency at Johns Hopkins - I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins… It was me, Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering… And they were blazin’ that shit up everyday! 
 
- deleted by creator 
 
- It’s really too bad Kroger discontinued “The Fizzicist”. - That’s a frustratingly good name too. 
- I don’t normally drink sodas but man do I want to drink that for the name alone. 
 
- The bar for soda medical school is just so damn low. 
- Me trying to explain the backstory of Britain’s longest-running sci-fi series - Dr.who now that’s a soda I have yet to try 
- Doctor:I’m the doctor. Me: dr what? Doctor: no no you’re supposed to say who. Why did you say what. Doctor who intro starts and the title is “the carbonated waters of Mars” 
 
- Mr. PiBB dropped out of college 
- Back in my soda drinking days, Dr. Thunder was pretty legit. - It’s a damn good replacement for Dr. Pepper, even today. Hell of a lot cheaper if you ever buy in bulk. 
- deleted by creator 
 
- You missed Professor Peppy. - I know there’s probably more, but i feel like this one is important. - He’s not a real doctor! - Whaaat? 
  - See? Does that look like Professor Peppy to you? 
 
- how do you know it’s a He 😮💨 - The professor and I know each other well. 
 
 
 
 - Moist Jesus 
 
- I didn’t go to college for eight years just to be called Mister Pepper 
- Fucked up in the crib sippin dr perky - Can you imagine if you went to the E.R. and were told your attending physician was Dr. Perky? - Friend of mine: ‘Haven’t been “Dr Perky” since my first kid.’ 
 
 
- No thanks. I’ll stick with my Bepis.  
- All this and yet Mr. Pibb is a step too far. 
- I respect any soda that puts in the time and effort to earn a doctorate degree. You know who I don’t respect? Mr. Pibb, who can can take his undergrad ass and fuck right off. - Excuse me, but Pibb now identifies as Xtra, not Mr. I think we should respect their gender identity. 
- It doesn’t take a medical degree to know that stepping on a cushion would be comfy. 
 
- Does Dr. Oetker make soda? - The nazi pizza company? https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-24580073 
 














