Well since I’m already short and can’t do anything about it, I guess I’m free to have as much pork, alcohol, and tattoos as I please!
You just rediscovered Dark Calvinism
Yo, I like this.
Almost makes me miss /r/ketodrunk
*c/ketodrunk
This is not reddit, this is lemmy. Just wanted to remind it.
That’s why I said miss it. Believe it or not, Reddit did and still does exist. I’d like to think we’re not a cult that demands pretending that our before-lives never existed.
c/mandelaeffect
I see many people here collectively misremembering a platform called reddit and not gonna lie, I kind of also do somehow
my god you’re right
they’re talking about a subreddit though
Pork tattoos!
Tats of Piggies getting shitfaced.
…and eating lobster
you can’t climb the ladder to heaven if you’re short since the rungs are too far apart
They have to go in 3’s because cartoons tell me they can stack up. They would wear a brown trench coat with shades. Then they can climb the ladder.
Some guy at the business factory tell you that?
Spending eternity as the taint third of a three person centaur does not sound like paradise.
Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven
Undercook, no heaven. Overcook, undercook.
Straight to hell
Did you ever pet a dog the wrong direction and make their hair all scrunchified? Also no heaven.
No, but I have done that to a cat, so I can’t go to hell either.
Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.
I would sooner ride a camel through the eye of a needle than go to heaven
You’re rich?
Fake it til you make it?
I gotta check that place out if I’m ever in the area.
That’s what you believe. So do i.
deleted by creator
That’s the logical conclusion based on neuroscience finding that souls don’t exist.
Pardon, what? Not saying you’re wrong but this sounds like something that can’t be proved. I would love a source if you don’t mind!
how can you tell someone anonymous online is an atheist?
they’ll let you know
That’s fallacious reasoning.
Not all religions believe in heaven.
oh so you’re religious? that surely contradicts my annoying atheists can’t shut the fuck up theory
Additionally, Atheists aren’t the ones who go door to door trying to convert people, or leave tracts in public restrooms.
Theists seem to be the ones who can’t / won’t shut up.
that’s a lot of non answer
I made no claim to anything other than the disbelief in heaven.
You’re making assumptions.
yeah the point is none of them religious people who don’t believe in heaven wrote that
My point is that you can’t say with certainty that I’m either religious or not by that statement alone.
Yes, we all agree that you’re very smart for passing a logical reasoning quiz.
it wasn’t by the statement alone; it was by the fact that you couldn’t help but make the statement.
Short people will not go to heaven.
Well, obviously. They can’t reach.
Short people got no reason to live
Not OP, but I didn’t realize it was obscure lol
Heaven is boring as Hell
Someone said that hell probably really is the place to be. Heaven has mega rules to get in, and everyone else just crashes at Satan’s place.
The torture for the true sinners probably happens, but at the hands of the normal people who didnt make it to heaven. Be honest with yourself, would you pass up the opportunity to ram a hot poker up Hitlers arse?
The torture for the true sinners probably happens, but at the hands of the normal people who didnt make it to heaven.
I thought it was supposed to be a pineapple?
Fun fact, “pineapple” was a nickname for a grenade, so presumably you’d want to insert it in such a way as to leave the pin accessible
Who knows, Hitler may well be in heaven. All it takes is a moment of repentance.
As if that cunt ever repented for a moment. He was fucking crazy you know.
He was certainly evil and addicted to drugs.
I dare say he was… methed up.
i mean yeah. that’s so gauche. i’m gonna dunk him in the bee tank
Sorry kids.
It’s ok, Uncle Roger.
lol I can’t believe grown ass adults believe this shit. I’m surprised most people dont start questioning this after they learn about Santa clause.
Santa was not on the Epstein list, I promise you.
but, like trump, he knew. santa knows about all the kiddo predators, he fucking sees you while you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake, why isn’t santa doing anything?
He’s always been just another oligarchy stooge. He works for Coca-Cola Company after all.
you get it. glad I’m not alone.
But Epstein was on Santa’s list.
well if anyone deserved a lump of coal
I know… A while ago I was having a conversation with a Christian co-worker who was obviously working up to some kind of “witnessing” (as someone who grew up in an Evangelical Church, I know when it’s coming).
I told her that I know all about it, and I will never believe it. Before she could tell me I was angry at god, I told her that it isn’t possible and it wouldn’t make sense because it would be like “being mad at Santa Claus.”
I think she was seriously taken aback. Like it blew her mind haha
i don’t know, as someone who has questioned god’s existence since age 14 or so, there have been events in my life where i swear some form of providence intervened. so after reflecting on this for a year straight i think i’m a christian again because i can’t accept that this world and its happenings are one cosmic coincidence. in my mind that’s impossible.
you’re free to choose to live as you wish and i’m gonna be real the heaven/hell stuff is decidedly bullshit, at least the way modern christians interpret it. i just wanted to get it out there that we aren’t all unquestioning buffoons. i don’t subscribe to any one specific sect. i don’t go to church. i haven’t read the bible in years. i accept that i may be wrong, but i believe that having a relationship with the christian god as i understand him is what i need and have been missing for some time.
some form of providence intervened
Providence?!?! Rhode Island ?!?!?
When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I’d be in prison soon enough. So far I’ve managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I’ve got a plan for this to prove her right. When I’m about to go bye bye , I’m going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I’m might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.
my mom said i’d go to prison if i got an electric bike and she’s right. the local prison has a bike shop as part of their programs and i bought my bike there
short people cannot reach heaven. Without a stepstool
That’s why I always carry my stilts with me, in case of an accident
What about people who wear solid color t-shirts that have long-ass slogans on them which are super specific and seemingly only apply to a single person on the entire face of the Earth often written in a variety of fonts and font-sizes and including bizarre details about their lives like the t-shirt that was given to me by my same-sex lover on the second Saturday in June of 2021 to celebrate the fact that I managed to clear an entire thornless blackberry bush of berries that we used to make the most delicious blackberry cobbler from that very same evening?
What’s hilarious is I actually have that shirt
Who hurt you?
tattoos will go to heaven will go heaven will go to heaven will go to heaven
You guys, I think I decrypted the secret message.
Just the tattoos though, not whoever wearing them.
tattoos eyeballs
I know that Grok went Nazi but Gemini going fundie wasn’t on my bingo card.
AI doesnt appear to have gotten to the Old Testament yet.
it’s gonna be interesting when AI’s start fighting each other. Think religious wars are nasty? Wait until agentic AI starts driving automated trucks into ‘enemy’ data centers…
The AI will truly have to be able to think for themselves first. Whoever has written their parameters has done an impressive job of adding apologia into the algorithms about any religious topic.
Me: Does the bible say X?
AI: Yes
Me: Does the bible also say Y? (the literal opposite of X)
AI: Yes
Me: Doesn’t that mean the bible is inconsistent in this regard?
AI: Well you have to understand the cultural context of the time and be sure to approach such topics with sensitivity and blah…blah…
that’s because these are meant to be general purpose tools.
when some religious nutbag rolls one that’s hard coded to be a true believer, watch out
electricity usage’ll go down
I like that you’re looking at the positives :D
I mean it’s outta my hands so I might as well make popcorn in the fire
Did Randy Newman answer your question personally?
