Can using neutral pronouns be misgendering? I was always under the impression that they’re universally applicable regardless of the other person’s gender
Consider the scenario where you meet a man. You know his name is Bradley (either through mutual friends or whatever), but he introduces himself as Alex. You can call him Bradley, and it would be technically correct, but it would be slightly rude when he has explicitly given his preferred name as Alex.
I don’t think that’s quite right. It’s more like referring to him by another title such as “a friend of mine” or “a guy I met at the mall yesterday” etc.
I have met one person (in real life) who uses she/he pronouns. I asked if I can call her they and she said no. I don’t know what to make of this, personally, as I’m unable to understand it, but I do try to abide by her request. I suspect she is an outlier though.
I’m a gender abolitionist philosophically, so I get what you are saying and I would also prefer for everyone to agree to adopt using gender neutral language and be done with it. But we should still respect the preferred pronouns of others, because it isn’t up to you or me to force that choice on everyone else. It’s not much different from a Republican (for example) refusing to use she/her towards a trans woman. For some folks their pronouns are super important to them, so imo it’s just disrespectful not to use them when they are stated.
You are describing intentional misgendering. That’s against our instance rules, so make sure you use preferred pronouns for folks who display them.
Can using neutral pronouns be misgendering? I was always under the impression that they’re universally applicable regardless of the other person’s gender
Yes, if you are aware of someone’s preferred pronouns and choose to ignore them.
It’s arguably ignoring their preferences, but how is it misgendering? they/them is gender neutral-- it implies nothing about their gender at all.
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I suppose that’s fair. Most people I know who do this do it for cis people as well though.
Consider the scenario where you meet a man. You know his name is Bradley (either through mutual friends or whatever), but he introduces himself as Alex. You can call him Bradley, and it would be technically correct, but it would be slightly rude when he has explicitly given his preferred name as Alex.
I don’t think that’s quite right. It’s more like referring to him by another title such as “a friend of mine” or “a guy I met at the mall yesterday” etc.
That’s a false equivalence. A name is a unique identifier while pronouns serve only a mechanical linguistic purpose.
I would argue calling all they/them is the opposite of misgendering. “They” has no gender. It is neuter.
“Intentional non-gendering” seems sensible and inoffensive. No chance of misgendering anyone.
I have met one person (in real life) who uses she/he pronouns. I asked if I can call her they and she said no. I don’t know what to make of this, personally, as I’m unable to understand it, but I do try to abide by her request. I suspect she is an outlier though.
I’m a gender abolitionist philosophically, so I get what you are saying and I would also prefer for everyone to agree to adopt using gender neutral language and be done with it. But we should still respect the preferred pronouns of others, because it isn’t up to you or me to force that choice on everyone else. It’s not much different from a Republican (for example) refusing to use she/her towards a trans woman. For some folks their pronouns are super important to them, so imo it’s just disrespectful not to use them when they are stated.
I always assumed “they” could be used no matter what?