I believed in Santa longer than I believed in God. I don’t know how that happened.

Right middle

The fuck you mean? I sin almost every day

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He fucking what?

Discombobulate

“Enhance!”

I didn’t really get why someone would make a bill with just 2024 on it. Like, do they just really want to make sure that you know about the year 2024?

Then I saw the small print.

Oh no, anyway

I once worked at a gas station in a European country. A tourist once complained to me that it was really hard to find their way around town because none of the street signs were in English. I had to take a moment to gauge if they were joking or not. I explained that they are of course written in the local language and they said that wasn’t really considerate of us since we knew that there might one day be tourists here. I choose to believe they were just messing with me because I refuse to believe that anyone can be that dumb.

I don’t know why, but I read. “will be the end of British people”

I don’t use my phone to pay at the POS and I refuse to do so. I will always carry around my card and use that.