Dude was wiping down his chair more often than his ass.
Well yeah. Wipi g your chair isn’t gay.
is it gay to slip a finger in when the tp breaks? asking for a friend.
Why stop at just one?
Septic masculinity
Even once is more often than never.
OP should ditch their imaginary girlfriend for another one less annoying.
80% chance it’s actually his mom who’s complaining.
Better be careful to not break both his arms
LMAO
That is savage AF!!!
I could understand if it smelled like swamp-ass (sweat) from sitting there too long, especially in a chair made of faux leather, but it shouldn’t smell like poop.
Wow really judgemental community here
Clean your ass!
The trick is to wear clothes when sitting in it.
Even sitting naked shouldn’t smell like fecal matter…
With enough farting, it probably would.
i legit have this issue, though with pants not the chair
for some ungodly reason my farts are just miserable in precisely such a way that it clings to the fabric and somehow creates an even worse smell (presumably reacting with something in the fabric? lord knows). Like it doesn’t even take a full day to build up, i hate it.
Or have a chair napkin if you’re gonna insist on being naked
Now that’s going too far
Exactly, also faux leather is my bane that stuff is the worst. The texture is awful
It really makes my anus sweat
I have a real leather chair, but a spandex cover because I’m a sweaty boi and like to sit cross legged.
You know it smells bad when body-pillow comes alive to complain.
I also judge this guy.
I also judge this guy’s dead wife.
I also judge this guy’s fake girlfriend
guys, need some help here. my gaming room smells like shit. like literally shit. the carpet used to be grey, but it’s brown now because of the smell. I’ve been wiping my ass on the carpet because I saw my dog do it once and it feels good. my mom has been complaining about the smell for a week now and is threatening to come clean my room. I can’t let her see the room because I’ve smeared my turds on the walls artistically for my viewers on twitch. any help to get the poop smell out, please! if I can’t get the smell out dad said he’s going to force me to get a job!
I didn’t know Asmongold was on Lemmy!
I’l been sitting in the same (mesh) chair for >15yrs (Aeron) and have no such problem. That the OP’s response to the GF’s complaint is anger says more about them than they intend.
I think we’re witnessing a murder after the fact
edit idk which way tho
This makes me angry
Chill! This is a common problem that must people have.
Being angry? That makes me even more angry!
TBH I don’t know what that smell is but if it’s related to sweat and ass fluid then cleaning should be fairly simple:
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Start with a 70% rubbing alcohol, set the chair on its side and soak then compress / scrub, this step should ensure no bacteria remains and that it dries very quickly for the next steps. You don’t have to rinse alcohol, it evaporates quickly.
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Next we’re going to try to counteract gastric and/or uric acids, which is to say hydrochloric acid, by scrubbing with washing soda. If you don’t have access to washing soda then you can either use baking soda directly or turn the baking soda into washing soda by dehydrating it in the oven. Scrub with and rinse out the soda with water.
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Final step, to counter any other contaminants, rinse with some amount of acidic cleaner such as vinegar. This will also help remove any soda from the previous step. Rinse out all of the vinegar with water, it does not evaporate.
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Dry in a very warm place with lots of airflow.
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Wash your ass with soap.
Worked at vet office, anything like urine or feces must be rinsed off thoroughly or it will smell. Obviously soap is needed too. Enough water and soap will get rid of it, although other cleaners incl enzymatic ones will work faster. No matter what, all that cleaner and soap has to be fully rinsed or it’ll still smell.
He should powerwash it outside or at a carwash. Or, if in an apartment he could rinse it for a while in the shower.
I suggest a small alteration:
Start with 70% rubbing alcohol, set the chair on
its side and soak then compress / scrub…fire.Buy a new chair.
Wash your ass with soap.
Ah yes, the GOP solution.
No, that would be telling you that the chair stinks because you haven’t rubbed ENOUGH shit into it and big clean is just trying to swindle you out of your money.
What I’ve described is the revolution solution.
You sure about that? Burning the chair and buying a new one checks the GOP boxes:
- More consumerism
- Less environmentally friendly
- Pointlessly destructive
The only thing missing is the big chair company going to your fundraisers and paying you to make people burn their chairs.
Ah I see. You weren’t making an allegory, you were being direct.
Sorry I didn’t mean to pique your ideological perspectives by suggesting to burn a chair from a totally different thread as a joke.
Rincing vigenar might be useful so the chair doesn’t smell equally bad again
It was implied that alongside cleaners would be rinsing, except for the alcohol, but I guess expecting the readers to have ever cleaned in their lives was too much.
Always good to specify, you never know
If one leaves shit stains on a chair, don’t expect them to know this
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Friendly reminder, wiping your arse with dry paper is not sufficient to clean it following a dump run.
A bidet (european style) is best.
no itchy/smelly bumhole ever again
Bidet crew checking in.
Mines got hot water. I don’t mean that it’s got a pipe for hot water, and you have to wait forever for it to warm up. I mean it’s got a water heater built in. And a heated seat. And a hot air blower… dryer? Butt hair dryer? It’s nice, especially in the winter.
Clean your butts, people
I’ve got a cheaper, tap-cold only version (mainly because that’s the easiest to install without running new plumbing or electrical in that particular location). Honestly the cold water isn’t so bad. It can even numb things up if you’ve been dehydrated and launched a particularly stressful cannonball.
Having tried simple bidets in both warm, cold, and neutral-ish climates, I find that cold water bidets seem to stiffen the poo bits and make it hard to actually get them off your butt esp since they stick to the hairs. You and I might be talking about different levels of cold, though.
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So you know that ice cold water sprayed into your ass can give you brain freeze, right?
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what brand? i tried a biobidet and was horribly disappointed with the water strength compared to my cold non electric
The vivohome with knob, not remote.
Pressure is great, too much actually, depending.
I got it because it was the cheapest one with all the features, and in fact is even cheaper now than when I bought it.
It’s been going strong for 3 and a half years now
A shower with soap is best, preferably after a different method. But whatever it’s your house, you can shit direct to shower if you like.
If you got poop on you anywhere else. Dry wiping it would not be sufficient. Rinsing it off and patting it dry would not be sufficient. You would wash with soap.
That said, I have a bidet I use some of the time and plain old TP the rest of the time.
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yup, i sit on the edge of the batch and get it with warm water and shower gel usually
A proper diet would also help. Failing that, I just take a shower right after, as you put it, a dump run.
For some reason I am offended that you used a / between itchy and smelly implying that it will be both.
if there is poo left there, it will be both
It absolutely can be both
I use a portable bidet. It is a rubber squeeze bottle. I use it to wash my asshole and a little toilet paper to dry.
The thing paid for itself many times over in toilet paper saved.
I like the idea of a bidet anywhere I go, as I feel like a literal disgusting caveman when I can’t use one.
But I feel like a portable one used in a public restroom would make me want to deep clean it every time I use it, and you kind of can’t in public. Also what’s it like to sneak it into a restroom discretely?
It is literally a small bottle with a folding spigot thingie. I do clean mine with soap and water every once in a while, but it is kinda hard to get dirty.
If you can’t afford one, or rent, or wander around, travel bidets are about $20-$30 and are a water bottle with a hook-shaped wand-spout and an air valve.
My proctologist has a personal vendetta against wiping, and I messed up my piles from ages of wiping too hard. Bidet and dab to dry.
i uh, i don’t think it’s normal to have an itchy and smelly bumhole, regardless of how you wipe
0% chance that guy didn’t shart on that chair.
I guess he forgot to scratch his back as well
He should do anal tightening exercises every other day to cut down on all that feces leaking out.
Nah, just needs the right butt plug.
“girlfriend” Ha yeah right dude
I know a flabby, sweaty, unhygienic dude with a diaper fetish who also RPs as a baby (???) on Discord who’s been with his girl for about a decade. The world can surprise you, lol.
She’s into the diaper play, one assumes there’s just not a lot of options or the grosser the better
Yeah, certainly… or she has no sense of smell (or sight, or ears cause he’s somewhat annoying). 😅
He means his mom.
Simple case of bad biology luck or bad diet, resulting in smelly farts, combined with not standing up. Switching to a mesh chair would do wonders.
Standing up and eating better would also work I assume
Or just being plain nasty.
Can’t always help what you smell like.
Washing always helps
Often, yes, but if you think it helps everyone for more than a short period of time, you’ve never worked in a medical field. Smell is not always controllable, feel sympathy for those less fortunate biologically.
I do think it is possible even with decent hygiene for years of farts to absorb into certain fabrics
You’re giving this guy wayyyyy too much benefit of the doubt.
